Why do children break your heart?

I have 2 wonderful grown-up sons.

One is 30 and getting married in April to a lovely girl and they are already happily living together and have a 2-year-old son. Oldest son is funny, sensitive, quiet and very patient. He is also easily led and can sometimes be quite naive and can talked into things he doesn’t want to do rather than say no. This does not however apply to his future nuptials!!

The other is 28 and is currently working in Australia and living with his Australian girlfriend. They met when she came to the UK to find work as she has dual nationality. When her savings ran out she returned to Oz last June and youngest son followed her a few months later.  This son is feisty, stong minded, loud and inpatient. He knows his own mind and knows what he wants. Just like his Mum!

There is a little under 2 years between them and they have always been close and are best friends as well as being brothers. Oldest boy misses his brother dreadfully and wishes he would come back home to work and settle down.  At this moment in time HE is still looking forward to his brother coming home for his wedding.

The heartbreaking thing is WE know he’s not coming home. We spoke on Skype this morning and he broke the news that they can no longer afford to come home. Since they moved from her folks on the Gold Coast to a house in Brisbane his girlfriends unemployment benefit has been stopped as they are now classed as a couple. This leaves them without any means of saving very much. They are trying to save for their own wedding in September so paying for return airfares and paying for  rent while they are over here for a month is expense they could do without.
I’m absolutely devastated, we were really looking forward to seeing him as we miss him so much.  I was tempted to lend him money but he already has £5k debts to clear and I don’t want to add to that.

As he’ll be making a life in Oz the plan now is to start selling off his belongings here, starting with his car, then the contents of the storage locker with all his house contents.

To me it’s like clearing everything after a death – is it wrong to feel like that?

Since he told us the news this morning every time hubby speaks I’m biting his head off – I can’t help it. I know he feels the same but he’s more like our oldest boy and will keep it all in and knows I don’t mean to be spiteful to him.

I hope our oldest boy will understand and accept his brother’s decision. He’ll be inconsolable I know and I already want to hug him.

We have enough savings to be able to go to Oz in September for youngest boy’s wedding but after that I don’t know if we’ll ever afford it again. We have a little savings but that’s got to tide us over when we retire in a few years time.
I really do have to kick myself up the bottom and get a job again!

Have any of you gone through this? How did you cope?

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